I thought I’d experienced the gamut of pain in my 10+ years as a comedian, but this past Thursday, I received an email from the best friend of my former girlfriend that said that she’d died.  I requested that she please call me, so I could ascertain if it was true, and unfortunately it was. It brought upon me a level of pain that I’d not yet experienced in this life. After talking with her friend, I found out she ended her own life. Even though we’d stopped seeing each other a few years back, we’d kept in touch up until about a year ago, and I still loved her as much as when we were together, and told her so often. I’d called her “Peach” amongst other names, and whenever we’d get together, it was always a special event.  It felt like we never got to spend enough time together, due to my time spent with comedy, and her battles with alcoholism. I knew she was a tortured soul, and that was part of my attraction to her, being one myself. She always said to enjoy our moments together, cause we both knew we were on borrowed time. 

Ultimately, I fell in love with her, and we dated for 5 years, and I couldn’t be more grateful. In retrospect, it wasn’t long enough. She was the sweetest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met in this world, both inside & out. We bonded over books, food, and music. For my birthday one year, she got me the “Great Brain” series of books by John D. Fitzgerald, which I told her I loved. I referred to her hands as “magic” because whenever she touched me, it would make all my aches go away.  When I was in the hospital for breaking my arm/leg, she visited every single day.  We both were always there for each other, when we needed to be, and she’s had a profound impact in my life. 

Of all the people whom I am close with, she probably knew me better than anyone. She believed in me, and was a big supporter of my comedy. It takes a special girl to deal with all the sacrifices a comedian makes, and she was one of them.  She had two cats, that she loved more than anything. From what I heard, one of the cat’s days was numbered, and she ended-up taking him with her before she left. Her Mom passed away years ago from cancer, and her Dad from Multiple Sclerosis. Her only surviving relative was her brother. She wasn’t feeling well mentally or physically, and she’d been suffering from depression, and bi-polarism amongst other issues.  The thing I’m most proud of her for, was that she was able to hit the 5 year mark with her sobriety, even as she left this Earth. 

She wanted to be with her Mom, and I’m sure if I could ask her, she’d say she just couldn’t take it anymore. I’d do anything for her, so if taking her life means she can be free, even if it means hurting those who loved her, I can accept it. I’ve withheld her name, so she can rest in peace. I will carry her spirit with me always & forever, and do everything I can to make her proud of me in my lifetime. I love you Peach.